I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
