Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
