Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
