I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
