I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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