I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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