im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
