he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
