I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
