Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
