Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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