I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
