You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
