you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
