So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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