Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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