I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
