Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
