I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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