you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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