Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
