Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Randomize
