Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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