I can text with my tongue
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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