how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
