Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
