Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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