Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
