it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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