Already got asked if we're dating
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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