I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
