I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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