You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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