I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
