This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
