And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
