i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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