You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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