Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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