i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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