I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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