i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
