how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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