I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
