Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
