you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize