I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
