I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
