hotel room ftw
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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