I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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