Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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