C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
