You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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